One moment you’re happy and the next you’re crying. No one knows and no one cares because no one takes the time or puts forth the effort to understand. Those you loved the most are caught up in themselves while you’re spinning with no known direction. You struggle because you don’t know who you are or why this happens to you and when you tell someone about it, they don’t understand.
No one wants to be around someone that tears themselves open triggered by something they are not even aware of. The happiest of all, but the saddest of all keeping it a secret because there is that fear in which you know you are alone because when push comes to shove, no one can handle you. Who are you, and do you just want to scream at the world to tell them to listen as you’re falling, falling apart and placing the shreds of yourself back into pieces that fit?
You scream silently and you write, sometimes you try to fight the insanity, but it won’t go away. It can’t go away because it’s a part of you and you are afraid of telling the doctors because they will surely tell you you’re crazy and that you have some sort of psychotic illness. You fly off the handle and you can’t hold yourself together. You don’t want to tell your parents because you don’t want to sadden them anymore than they already are.
You try to keep going on with your life in which you feel so lonely at times and you sit in your room and cry alone. No one else cares because they are afraid. Your life tore you apart, there was too much and you were too young to handle it all. You tried hurting yourself once when you were younger, but then something happened and you learned how to live.
You fell in love, and then your heart was broken, many, many times because no one could handle you. No one could love you and the dizziness that followed you around. One day you were happy, one moment you laughed, but the next second you cried until your throat burned and the whole time you were alone. No one knew, no one even thought it was possible, but sometimes you put up such a front, you can’t help think it was all your fault that no one knew.
You told someone once and they told you that you couldn’t expect them to stay when you were so broken and open. You scared those you loved away because you didn’t even know how to handle yourself and society never taught you how to deal with it, they taught you to hide the emotions bubbling up. Everyone told you that there was no reason you should feel that way because your life was replete with beauty and good fortune, but no one thought to think that maybe beauty and fortune couldn’t stop you from tearing yourself to pieces, from falling apart.
No one told you anything and you never learned what to do. They told you to take pills that would make you numb, but you couldn’t kill yourself more than you were already dying. No one knew, no one cared and you were left suffering alone. I hope one day you come to me so we can suffer together because I suffer in the same way as you and I’m sorry for that cruel condition, and I’m sorry that nobody knew. I’m so, so sorry and trust me, I am because I need somebody too.