The Sad Realization: Is it a Realization and is it Sad?

There’s something that I’m coming to terms with; I am starting to realize that no matter how much I want things, there are some things that I will never obtain. I’m not sure if it is me setting limitations for myself, but there’s only so much that I can do. As of right now I have lost inspiration to formulate new ideas that will take me on my way to achieving things that are in all honesty not up to me.

I am like everyone else on this planet. I struggle to survive, to live free, and to feel happy. However, I understand– or am starting to understand– that every single moment in life is ephemeral, that is why we call them moments. These are things that we remember alone and soon after forget. If I could teach myself how to view things as ephemeral moments, then maybe I could be more accepting of the conditions I am placed in.

I want to have my wishes fulfilled. I wish to have good relationships, good finance, a good education, fulfillment and happiness. These are just a few and like those memories that arise from moments in my head, they are ephemeral. Unfortunately, I seek long lasting feelings. Who wouldn’t want to taste the honey of happiness for just a bit longer? Who wouldn’t want to be okay with their metamorphoses in life?

Goodness knows how much I wanted the things that I want. I just need to learn how to let go of them. The despicable reality of it is that I might not achieve that feeling of sunshine on grass blades in this particular moment. I hope I am not leading myself into self-delusion by believing that at some time in my life I will achieve that feeling. I fear that I just might be, like the writers have so often mentioned before.

It makes me so mad though! Why do I only notice when I don’t obtain the things I want and forget so quickly about those that I have earned? I don’t know how to change it, but I know that life is the mountain carved out by the stream. Any minute transition shapes the overall picture. I guess I just wonder if I could feel happy this way, when I am restricted in my treasures.

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