Without Loss of Myself

Globules of light fall,
How they fall so sweetly.

Where has my light gone? Evanescence.

Sometimes I feel as if there is no point in writing, but writing is a beautiful art form. I also find it difficult to trust, but in a way I end up trusting everybody. We all gravitate towards fear eventually; we want to learn if we are as capable as we wish to be. Oftentimes we are not and we become some strange person in the land of our body. The worst part is forgetting what we truly stand for.

A hideous person was probably a beautiful person beforehand. It is just that gravity pushes down on you and your walls push up against you. In the midst of the poking and prodding and the sadness and anger we lose the inner beauty. Those with religion can fall back and feel gratified at the moment that they make it the substitute for what once was their hope. Those without religion feel doomed. Am I truly doomed?

If you believe in so much, but so little, you get beaten down. You love so much, you breathe for everything that never even sighed for you. I guess it is martyrdom, but I would not just die for what I believe in, I live for it too– it cannot be martyrdom. Regardless, sacrifice after sacrifice leaves you scarred in a million places and it leaves you stranded in a sea of faces, names, and indifference. Why still put yourself through this?

Losing yourself is much worse. There should be beauty in the world and there should be wonderful people to carry it out. It is not about heaven or hell, it is simply about seeing every individual as an amazing thing, whether they hurt you or love you.

Everything brings me down a million times and I am pushed under the waves again and again, but I see beauty in everything external to me. I might just be damning myself, but things are often difficult to understand. Everything is a part of you, so do not cut it loose; you will just be cutting off a piece of yourself.

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