Soul Killer

You are so bad for my soul, and it kills me. How can something so ephemerally good be so ultimately bad?

I sit in front of a large glass wall and I stare out into the late afternoon sky. It is gray and windy, and all of the trees that I see are too big to sway, but they all have such delicate branches. I wanted to go outside and look at the trees before the thunder, hopefully to remember what everything looks in gray. My plans you destroyed and replaced with someone else’s; now all that I see are the crows on the tall trees flying from branch to branch, never to leave my sight.

Right now I am a different person, you I never figured out. You say you do not understand, even though it is obvious and I explain it to you countless of times, but my voice is like the wind gently scratching your ear—you move somewhere else where you cannot hear me.

My voice is raspy, my body is sore and my head is heavy. The green grass outside is telling me to sit up straight, but all that I want to do is lay down and let the storm wash over me. I want to let the storm fill me with lightning and I want it to dissolve my body away until all that is left is the remnants of my soul floating about as always, but much simpler.

I just saw two lovebirds holding one another and bringing the sunshine into the gray of my life. What is wrong with me? Is this all my fault again? I wish I were one of those crows so that I could fly away to somewhere that is bright and warm. I want a calm nest, where I will not have to fear the storms inside my head anymore. So replace my plans and replace my smiles, also, remember to replace me because when the storm passes, all of the trees will be uprooted.

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