Crashing Chandeliers

The sky is so spacious, open, and elegant. Brightly lit nights are chandeliers in the shape of water droplets. When I close my eyes I see those skies more frequently than not. Sometimes, eyelids shut and instead there are flashes and pulses of red and white lights dimming out and fading within my head. There are nights that make me seek anything to drug my mind to keep me calm because too often my skies will quiver and I’ll run towards the gates of Hades so that he may hold me close with his fiery arms.

“Got nobody on my mind, go and search my thoughts
Only you on my riverbanks.” –Made in Heights

The contents of my body wish to leak out, but major cleanses are too recent and instead my stubborn body holds on.

I felt:
Like every chance re-given was a mistake waiting to happen yet I sought to hug your waves of kindness and I had to die with your waves of sadness. A tree giving fruit before reaching maturity symbolized…

How did we get stuck with this pessimistic view of our loved ones that we kindled hatred in our hearts from frustration and anger mixed with moments of pure joy? How did I become so cynical that I could ever combine parts of me with another? I am afraid to become an empty vase open to the elements of nature, ready to be filled with anything. I fear the opening of my body that is there by the design of an artist that decided I could never be whole.

Sometimes you create the perfect conditions for lightning reverberating in my night skies as I lose my head once again. Atoms crash onto one another violently and scatter randomly as the clouds of my hands try to keep the bands of light apart but only incentivize the production of deadly fireworks. You make perfect conditions for inclement weather.

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