Little Secrets

Emptiness

Why do you feel so empty?

You engage in self-care, enjoy small luxuries, and have people who seem to care for you.

Perhaps the devil is in the details with the seemingly available parts of your last statement. Are they truly there and if there are individuals there, do they provide the things you need?

If affections were delivered on a more continuous schedule, would you feel replete or simply satisfied? Do people naturally feel satiated of “love”?

I had hoped to earn the answers to these questions on my endeavors through adulthood, you know, when I was old enough to understand what this all meant. As I matured to recognize what it meant to want this from others as opposed to simply receiving it. It seems almost unseemly that some people have it always while others struggle to wring it out as if they were wringing the juice out of tough-to-squeeze lemons.

How do the people that choose to be lonely manage the excess of feelings that bubble out of the brain and body? I keep looking for comfort in the arms of old friends.

 I left all my significant connections when young, and then I left the newly formed ones after high school as well. Afterwards, I closed the doors on those I lived with for four years…They made me feel like home wasn’t a place, but a community. I recognize that my dark sometimes overpowers my light—I have not learned the secrets to this form of isolation. Where did all the people go and was it my fault that they are no longer there?












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