3. Eyes looking through windows, hoping to see something new.
4. Chest constricting with each clumsy movement.
These new modes of sadness touch the core and come in undulating waves in the darkened sea reflecting the black sky. The stars hide, unprepared for viewing and guiding lost mariners at sea. My new modes of sadness trouble me quietly, and I am stuck beneath a continuously crashing wave.
Sometimes it’s about taking that step back when it all seems so fast and perhaps it’s about refusing to move forward when there’s ill-will on the road. Yet many times I find myself in a saddened stupor and how do I get out? And at times when all looks to be white roses it’s truly bones and snow and something must budge before the road gets trampled with escape.
You had your drink and I had my things and together it made for turmoil. I was so tired and you full of desire that there was little left to show. Some god must have known how to have thrown in the towel as we sat patiently waiting. Then life caught up and anger welled as we were fraught with tension.
There were little things to hate here and there, yet nothing could equate to the frustrating fares of this life. I only remember hating the drinks and you being done with my things until the next morning.
When the tree gets it’s limbs cut off, it grows new ones in different places. That tells you two things: 1) it continued to grow after facing adversity and 2) it learned from the experience enough to grow in new ways.
The trees with their stressed limbs still stretched towards the sky in taut poses knowing that if they keep looking up, they’ll keep growing strong. I sat and quietly observed as they kept course as the wind swayed them side to side as it tested their resilience. Still they grew.
In these small moments when the days run long and time is short I cherish the intentions I set in my journey to being more courageous with the things I love. Where is this journey taking you? Do you roam it alone or is there another soul present?
At times there’s pain—an unheard cry for help or heard, but not understood. Sometimes it’s a winding path that takes you in loops until it’s as if there’s not beginning and no end. The air is thinning, through time the world takes you spinning in a dizzying carousel.