Asteroids are falling into my atmosphere, their burning traces, crystal prisms.
They dig deep into my chest, opening spaces where perhaps leaves will grow after we sow this burned soil.
Flutters of color like butterfly wings whispering pieces of song that sirens can nice upon a time would sing.
Maybe these leaves will be blown to the water when the gusts pick up as none of this matters.
I don’t take drastic measures, they must seem that way. I only take measures to reach what I hope to achieve. Last year I learned when I should cut back the ill growth of this fragrant rose bush that I am trying to cultivate. I have already learned this year when to let go of leaves that are meant to fall. For the greater good, I make choices because there is no point in holding on to thinly dangling foliage. I have also been in the process of learning how to fertilize and in learning when it is necessary to cut back excessive growth–My roots dig in deeper into this rich soil. It is all love in this horizon; it’s just that love sometimes might hurt a little in some places. I hope I have the willpower to heed the words of the wise and the courage to stand alone as I cultivate this Golden Celebration.
I too was naïve in the way that girls are, feeding into romance novels thinking that things called love could be unconditional. There are always conditions and those that say otherwise are lying. It is based on your genetics, your fundamental beliefs, or your culture. If “love” were truly unconditional then you wouldn’t have endings to beginnings. Terminating great love is never easy, yet compromises cannot be reached always. Some things will “break the camel’s back” as some say, yet I believe that orgullo is behind that saying and many more. It was naïve of me to think that the things I loved someone else would love the same. My little moon, staring out the window. I don’t know if animals are capable of unconditional love, but I know that I will not give reason to doubt. Perhaps my error is in my honesty, it is so blatant that if you don’t peel back the layers you’ll never get to understanding.
Bitterness is in my garden for blood and sweat were not enough to make roses grow out of this dirt. I cut myself wide open and let my waters flow through the rivers of within me, yet dams blocked seeds from saturating and the sun just beat down too damn hard. The leaves in the trees rustled lies, lies, lies and I heard from miles away without ever having to have been in the room. My energy took me to the ocean once again, where I could dip my toes into the salt so that I could build up my reservoir of tears for later on when Cubans cross the ocean in bathtubs in the downpour of the deep dark sky. To me came Mother Mary and she spoke to me to let it be, but my ship has never capsized without a fight and I fought, first myself and then you.
Like Warsan Shire, I dimmed my light and crawled into myself so that I would take up less space, but my mouth couldn’t stay shut and what little space I tried to not occupy, my body rebelled and grew big and full. I hoped that I was enough when I was picked up like the serpent that I am, sharp, poisonous, and headstrong. I was never welcoming to meek mice, for I needed to feed and lick my fangs every time someone uttered hate in my direction. My paralyzing toxins are those that you cannot see and now I am angry because I protected the pack during my time as a wolf, but the vipers still snuck into my snake nest as I transformed.
Have you lost track of time? In moments I will only be a figment of your imagination and you will ask, was she real? The dust particles in the air will hint that I was, as the volcano within my soul erupts one last time to clear the path. I will forget one day: you, me, him, her. See how I put myself second there? That will be the only time.
When you know he loves you,
As you make him lose his mind over and over again.
Every sway of your hips are waves in the ocean,
And his smiles are like sunshine
Beating down on your radiant body—
You are a goddess.
Your hair in his hands,
His arms move over the hills and valleys
Your body is ripe with sweetness
Dripping over his.
You are the world
Holding on to the wind
That kisses you softly, kindly—
As your energies melt into the universe.
And the raindrops hit the palm leaves
They’re like the smooth, long faces of the
Warriors resting during battle
When they cry in mourning of all that has been lost.
They have been winning the battle,
But losing the war.
The sun shone again with a false promise of drying out the running water
But the warriors know they must get back on the field
The palm fronds turn yellow with the light of the sun.
Then they turn reddish brown
–The warriors have lost the battle now too.
She was drowning for so long like a fish out of water choking on the gases in the atmosphere
So she learned how to swim through the buildings and she creeped through the cracks.
I was always a fish not quite belonging in that or the other sea
Yet I could always see me and my scales that reflected everything but never absorbed.
So I rode that underwater wave or ripple or have at it whatever you wish
Until I became lost at its ending to swim back but more slowly this time.
I numbed my fins to everything around me and only saw from eyes sideways as I squirmed
Here and there to get a better view—damn how I felt that view in my cartilage.
Never enough grown or graceful enough for mermaids to whom Triton instilled an internal compass
But I knew that if I followed the moon she would bless me with her radiance
I was a reflection of her who was herself a reflection of a burning sun
So brightly in her white glow that she only took from something else.
Like moon like fish following currents and orbits and reflecting existence in ways unimaginable to so many eyes.
It is the faces they make that remind you
That people are bastards more often than they are not
They bombard you with frowns and angry hand motions
And you just take it like the bitch you are supposed to be.
I listen to the words that they are vomiting
Out of disgusting mouths with dirty tongues
And you want to catch their vomit in a cup and throw it at their face
Do they not realize that you see past the bullshit?
I try to be all suns and rainbows with these damn people
And they remind me of the shitshow that I spend time in
Because something has to be done to pay
The cash monies that I owe to this shitty government.
So I will overburden myself with their tonnes of crap
As they ignore the things that we all do for the good of the people
I will say this,
Que me vengan con su pinga, que seguro que los destruyo.