It’s been a while since I wrote like this on empty sheets and blank slates a stream of consciousness. One of the kindest writing styles—letting my soul get blanketed in the black and whites of the paper. You were sad and possibly nostalgic, yet I felt whole even in the emptiness and the dark of the night around us. Sometimes the balance of the light and the night seems offset, but at least you’re there in the morrow to see the sun rise.
I recall snowy nights and long and lonely walks full of joy and sadness in the glitter of the snow and the chill of the crisp air against my coat. Did you know that in the loneliness exists the bittersweet breath of life? You can only be lonely after experiencing the delight of another kindred soul making its way in the universe with you. Man… this universe is large, but somehow our world is the size of a corridor winding around itself. So many memories and so many thoughts that brought me back to life on this odd night. How is it that everything seems okay lately even when the world is tearing itself apart?
I saw your failing ventures and smiled—the thought of you leaping out of comfort and trying something new brought me joy. I saw success in the small moments where creativity blossomed like cherry red blossoms on the tree. Thank you, world, for bringing love after death and bringing life from the soil. Thank you for the tears that fall from my eyes in bittersweet emotion as my eyes stay hydrated. Thank you for the breath in a quiet room and the beats of music playing in my ears.
And if you’re sad, just know that you will still remain…loved…imprinted in the hearts of others. Hike your mountains and walk your winding roads. Make good and bad choices, but keep going. Whether or not I remain here today or tomorrow, my will will stay in the air as it fills your lungs. There are so many ways to love and I love so many times.
So tired of these relationshits where your faucet remains open until your well runs dry. Eventually the pressure diminishes to minute proportions and all you do is leak weakly into the drain. Who knew that you’d get to the point of dryness with your lips cracking from the constant slew of kisses falling on hardened faces? Oh who are you kidding? Since the moment you decided to give you’ve surrendered pieces of your soul to a beautiful devil’s trickery.
I’ve been feeling a bit old-fashioned today after receiving
disappointments in successive order. Initially, I got to wondering how people
tolerated the alienation of modern relationships as I reflected on my recent
experiences with men. So, I asked my mother to join me for a walk, one in which
I proceeded to explain to her my woes. Relationships have been striking me as
obsolete due to their superficiality resulting from an ingrained fear of commitment.
This is akin to peoples’ fear of investing in the housing market since we never
know when another crisis will befall our “great” society—with 2008 still fresh
on our minds. It seems to me that there is a resistance to attempting commitment
even amongst already existing couples.
It has come to my attention that one person usually gives
more than the other in the relationships that surround me and were it not for
that little tidbit, the relationship would crumble. I’ve seen it happening in
my own experiences with love and with friendships. Naturally, I am a giver.
Unfortunately, it feels as if I’ve been giving more than I have been receiving
for the last 8 years of my life and frankly, my emotional wellbeing has
seriously taken a toll.
There’s been an awakening in this magnificent brain of mine
as I do tend to see peers that in their relationships have a level of innocence
when it comes to commitment. I say innocence because it isn’t mired with selfishness
(at least from what I can tell) and both partners tend to equally support one
another in their spiritual, emotional, and physical growth by fulling diving
into their mutual existence. Perhaps that’s it! Many relationships nowadays
lack the common plane of existence of both couples with one person focusing on
their reality as completely separate from the person they say they are “committed”
to. Now, I’m not saying be attached at the hip with your significant others,
but damn at least indulge in the knowledge that you could be a part of a deep
mutual existence of high angelic vibrations if you simply let go of the fear of