It’s been a while since I wrote like this on empty sheets and blank slates a stream of consciousness. One of the kindest writing styles—letting my soul get blanketed in the black and whites of the paper. You were sad and possibly nostalgic, yet I felt whole even in the emptiness and the dark of the night around us. Sometimes the balance of the light and the night seems offset, but at least you’re there in the morrow to see the sun rise.
I recall snowy nights and long and lonely walks full of joy and sadness in the glitter of the snow and the chill of the crisp air against my coat. Did you know that in the loneliness exists the bittersweet breath of life? You can only be lonely after experiencing the delight of another kindred soul making its way in the universe with you. Man… this universe is large, but somehow our world is the size of a corridor winding around itself. So many memories and so many thoughts that brought me back to life on this odd night. How is it that everything seems okay lately even when the world is tearing itself apart?
I saw your failing ventures and smiled—the thought of you leaping out of comfort and trying something new brought me joy. I saw success in the small moments where creativity blossomed like cherry red blossoms on the tree. Thank you, world, for bringing love after death and bringing life from the soil. Thank you for the tears that fall from my eyes in bittersweet emotion as my eyes stay hydrated. Thank you for the breath in a quiet room and the beats of music playing in my ears.
And if you’re sad, just know that you will still remain…loved…imprinted in the hearts of others. Hike your mountains and walk your winding roads. Make good and bad choices, but keep going. Whether or not I remain here today or tomorrow, my will will stay in the air as it fills your lungs. There are so many ways to love and I love so many times.
There were never doubts or darkness in those eyes, there was only excitement and expectation. You never settled for less than you deserve and you never gave less than you knew you could. It thrilled me, won me to you, gave me hope and dreams of life. Now I too expect, deserve, and give what I know I can. You have been sculpted by many artists some controversial, some absolutely lovely and you are the finished product of love and battles that I have never understood—it’s intriguing. My favorite moments are those where you linger on the features of my face and you know all that you want in that moment. I am full of calm, a peace that you gently placed in my life and I am grateful.
Sometimes I’m tired of writing about the feeling of love, but then I remember lips on my forehead, your fingers through mine as we walk underneath the sunshine. I remember your eyes so light and uplifting gently gazing at me with adoration and I wonder if damn… might this ever be…
Then I hear your voice reminding me that I am special and it affirms what I already know of you, that I like you for more than who you are, but also for what you represent, what you stand for. I love that you are heavy with convictions, yet sometimes budge when I challenge you and it makes me smile to know that together there is never a boring moment. I could sit there with you with my head on your shoulder and my fingers running through your chest and arms as I listen to your soft voice in the night.
Here I thought that I was done writing stories about love.
Lately I have learned about the duality of life. I met this
magnificent young woman today that was capable of so much, but the world around
her did not understand her lived experience. I learned of the importance of
being kind when people around you are not and it’s not necessarily because turning
the other cheek is ethical, but rather because some people’s unkindness doesn’t
quite stem from a place of hatred or prejudice and instead stems from personal insecurities.
People have been teaching me that they are so much more than a vessel for the
mind, they are a reflection of the world and I am learning to take them as they
are even when sometimes it hurts. I have also learned about myself and my own
patterns of behavior when dealing with sadness: I tend to overcompensate in the
settings outside of where my sadness originated by overexerting myself and
doing all that I can to be the embodiment of joy. I think it has to do with my
own pain manifesting itself in an outlet that tries to push the pain out of others
and bring forth a smile, a laugh, or some type of positive energy. This is when
people believe I am the happiest, but in truth, it’s when I am at the lowest
state because I will do anything that I can to get higher and so I seem
relentless, perhaps even childlike in my passionate demeanor. So yes, lately I
am learning about the duality of life and how the good comes with the bad so
that when I am down, I can propel myself back upwards.
She’s an angel for raising a beautiful soul such as yourself. The love she houses in her body for you radiates to those who bring you peace, joy, and love. The more that I learn the more that I love and I am so grateful that your kindness grows. In turn there is little else I desire and you spark a light within me as I fall deeper. You’re not a necessity, but damn does it feel good to know you’re there.
On behalf of the universe: I am sorry if the love you are receiving is a shallow kind of love.
They look at your choices and shake their heads in disdain almost as if asking, “is this the little that you want out of life?” You shrink into yourself a bit more each day as your supports dwindle, but you’ll recognize tomorrow that you didn’t need that shallow “love.”
Too many believe they are superior, but little do they know that you will learn of the workings of the minds, the shaping of our society. Remember that lofty titles are simply just that, lofty… They often lack the essence of meaning, they are a result of reactivity instead of proactivity.
This brings me to the concept of teaching:
If you ever want to know what truly ails someone, become their teacher. They will show you why their soul aches or why they live. Your students will demonstrate to you what it means to understand and to discover new schools of thought. So while the rest rest easy on their cloud of inflated ego, remember that you will hold the essence of existence in your hands. While they rest with minimal understanding of what it means to love and care for others for all that they are, your soul will purify in the light of others as you walk with them on their journey of understanding and learning.
Become a teacher and you will learn of the depths of love and the energies of the universe. You will gain a working idea of what is necessary to spur positive change in your life and the lives of others. Don’t ever forget: without a teacher, the rest would never have attained.
I want to breathe and know that my choices are good. I want to look at you and smile with the knowledge that you ARE. I ask for wisdom to take the paths leading to growth and new experiences and I ask the universe for accompaniment. Will you pick the wildflowers on the side of the road and place them behind my ear? Will you melt when the sun hits my caramel eyes as I look into yours?
I am open to the world and to the divine intervention of the universal energies that I slowly tap into. What an experience to know… I will work to heed my words and stay true in a city of lies. I want more than just survival, I want to thrive.
They look at me in synchronicity and I ask the heavens how I gained such fortunes. Tiny heads and tiny snouts testing the air for the next occurrences. Their eyes were pools of love in the deepest shades of earth and caramel. I let the blessings of the universe wash over me, the patter of paws next to me as I walked into fruition of all life-spheres. They say that all dogs go to heaven, but mine have brought me heaven on Earth.
Girl, when did you learn to dress in beauty and walk in kindness? This I did not teach you. How did you learn to pick up fragile pieces and place them on a canvas to create sweetness? This I did not show you. Most of all, how did you uphold your tapestry for others full of mindfulness? These questions I must ask of you.