I imagine that stones must tire of the same current bearing down heavily on their surfaces. Leaves must expire after strict devotion to their trees and so they must fall. Will my legs give under the pressure of this great atmosphere as I climb the stairs into the sky? All things in existence must be like me… secretly trying to just get by.
I’m sure there’s more to this story of life. It is a pleasant thing to smile at the wind when you drop your heavy burdens; it no longer struggles to tilt you down. Now I can’t help but think of butterflies and how they must struggle against the gust, forever flying into the horizon to perch on the perfect flower.
My chest feels like butterfly wings in the midst of struggle.
Every day is magnanimous in its own way. Some days I drive hours to arrive at a destination; when I do I…breathe… deeply and feel proud of the trek and the productivity that I pushed myself into. The road takes me in loops at dangerously high speeds, yet it’s not actually so bad. For some time I don’t have to think, the only gears moving are the car’s. I breathe and sometimes I hold on tightly to the wheel for I am still a fairly new driver. Along the same veign I realize that I no longer feign to make it like I used to. I make it to my destination now and yes, at times I still get lost or nervous and even a little scared–but damn it, I MAKE it. Someday I exude my best self and others not so much, but still I attempt to pry the doors of my mind open as I try to find more ways to process solutions. Yet every day I am still tired. I am tired of my thoughts in the form of sad poems reminiscing on cycles of misconduct or duress from life. I am tired of moving whether or not it’s with my feet, my hands, or my head. I like to lay in bed at night and listen to soft voices that meditate me into alternative realities that become truth and invigorate my soul even though I am physically and mentally tired. I am at least, spiritually full. Don’t get me wrong, I am glad I am tired. I have purpose and like the car on new roads, I am driven.