The trees with their stressed limbs still stretched towards the sky in taut poses knowing that if they keep looking up, they’ll keep growing strong. I sat and quietly observed as they kept course as the wind swayed them side to side as it tested their resilience. Still they grew.
I guess I’ll write to see if I can evoke the thoughts within my heavy head and chest. I guess I’ll see if the world isn’t too dark to face in this tired state of mind. My love is heavy and my eyes are hot and damn it’s hard when the past is dredged up. It’s one of those moments where everything triggers and I just want to move to Portugal. But fuck I learned to love and now I’m scared of what is coming around. I don’t really pray but if I did I’d ask for another day, another dollar but only if I keep the same lover and if he’d know what it’s like to be sad that it wouldn’t be penetrating deep like it does to my core. Will tomorrow be a Brand New day that I can face as I open my windows to let in the sky and a mosquito or too? I guess I’d pray for forgiveness for all of the times that I wasn’t enough and that I decided to give up instead of move onwards into the day that tomorrow could be. It’s a pandemic, really, the way things end up with slight infection catching on and infesting the tendrils leading to the veins coming out of your heart (is that right?). It hurts me to hurt you but fuck am I sad sitting on my bathroom floor under the burning water. Maybe I’ll feel something.
There is strength in knowing that you’ve traveled far and true in the realms of what it means to be a human in hurt. There’s a certain relief at the resignation of knowing that the Earth will continue to orbit around a sun that has yet to burn out for eons to come. There is purity in knowing that the wind can quell your sorrows and place your anxieties to sleep if you give it that power. There is a cleansing in cold rain drenching your clothes in a downpour if you lend your muscles to the power of nature so that they may relax. No matter what tribulations you journey through remember that your heart is still beating with the hum of the Earth and your breath inundates your lungs like a transparent and active ocean.
Underneath the full moon I muster all the strength required of oceans to swish into shores in darkness. The sands by my feet are velvet as my night-lantern guides me from the sky. Goddess power flows through outstretched hands, permeating the salt crystals in the air. My skin glistens with dew and light and within me a light shines outward. A third eye opens and looks steadily into the shadows cast by the moonlight and within me courses knowledge of secret enchantments long-quieted by witches securing the secret of their craft. They tell me know the things I must know. The shadows come into light—moon goddess.
On behalf of the universe: I am sorry if the love you are receiving is a shallow kind of love.
They look at your choices and shake their heads in disdain almost as if asking, “is this the little that you want out of life?” You shrink into yourself a bit more each day as your supports dwindle, but you’ll recognize tomorrow that you didn’t need that shallow “love.”
Too many believe they are superior, but little do they know that you will learn of the workings of the minds, the shaping of our society. Remember that lofty titles are simply just that, lofty… They often lack the essence of meaning, they are a result of reactivity instead of proactivity.
This brings me to the concept of teaching:
If you ever want to know what truly ails someone, become their teacher. They will show you why their soul aches or why they live. Your students will demonstrate to you what it means to understand and to discover new schools of thought. So while the rest rest easy on their cloud of inflated ego, remember that you will hold the essence of existence in your hands. While they rest with minimal understanding of what it means to love and care for others for all that they are, your soul will purify in the light of others as you walk with them on their journey of understanding and learning.
Become a teacher and you will learn of the depths of love and the energies of the universe. You will gain a working idea of what is necessary to spur positive change in your life and the lives of others. Don’t ever forget: without a teacher, the rest would never have attained.
I want to breathe and know that my choices are good. I want to look at you and smile with the knowledge that you ARE. I ask for wisdom to take the paths leading to growth and new experiences and I ask the universe for accompaniment. Will you pick the wildflowers on the side of the road and place them behind my ear? Will you melt when the sun hits my caramel eyes as I look into yours?
I am open to the world and to the divine intervention of the universal energies that I slowly tap into. What an experience to know… I will work to heed my words and stay true in a city of lies. I want more than just survival, I want to thrive.
The only thing that anchors me to small islands is the pleasure of the waves. In fact, it’s often easy to swim offshore until the ripples of the water lure me back to land, but small islands don’t fill large souls and they are insufficient and emptying. I have always been a creature of the water—free flowing and cool to the touch. With each passing day, I’m more at ease as I swim out a little farther each time. Soon small islands will fade into the horizon and I will swim to new shores or perhaps I’ll reach depths previously untraveled and will dwell in its hypnotic embrace.
I did my best to remind her to run forward without looking back lest tribulations would sneak up on her in the form of lifted roots—in a forest of experience I have stumbled before. I looked into her eyes as she picked herself up and gave her all the strength I could muster. “You be smart not to fall again,” I told her as I held her pretty face in my hands as she nodded. Then came a cliff against the waters, we grasped hands and smiled—being together is all that mattered.
Bits inside me murmur like rivulets on days where the current has picked up pace and I sigh through gusts of air moving over the large ripples over the water. My chest just wants to be engorged with the aroma of golden celebration roses from the garden, yet all I feel is tension from the trailing plants around my chest. Bits inside me keep murmuring in the voice of soft rivulets.
Release, breathe it all out. Let the impurities flow out of your soul and let the wind erode them out or existence. Let go of that precarious ledge you have held on to; a pool of water awaits you. All is well. All will be well when you break the surface.