Conquering Fear

In these small moments when the days run long and time is short I cherish the intentions I set in my journey to being more courageous with the things I love. Where is this journey taking you? Do you roam it alone or is there another soul present?

SJT Love Letter 8/19/20 ; 6:00AM

With you, my creative soul has soared through skies of pigment and acoustic sound waves. You are my romance, my flamenco song.

Love, your darling Hellen

Love letters to the man that has given me his all.

Feel free to listen to this gem: Sale La Luna- BulerĂ­as by Vicente Soto Sordera đź’š

SJT

… And yet I love to hear you sing because when your voice rings through the air, your honest soul reverberates and the strength of your heart resonates and I can’t help but look into those green eyes and feel the clarity of a light beam through the foliage in a tropical rainforest.

Who Knew?

I have loved you without thought of what would come and where we would arrive after all of these years. I remember missing you when you were away and again when it was my turn to leave. I waited for you without knowing that one day you would return and we would seek one another out on the darkest of nights and the longest of days. Now we spend hours cuddled up on ruffled bedsheets and we spend moments on adventures ranging from breathing moments to capturing memories in pixels and thoughts. I am grateful to be able to hold you and to look at your light eyes scanning my soul. I have never wanted such strong hands running their fingers through my hair the way I crave yours. I will write you a thousand love letters with my intentions and you will take me in for who I am and I will lie next to you and thank the heavens for your company.

To Be Taught Hope

There were never doubts or darkness in those eyes, there was only excitement and expectation. You never settled for less than you deserve and you never gave less than you knew you could. It thrilled me, won me to you, gave me hope and dreams of life. Now I too expect, deserve, and give what I know I can. You have been sculpted by many artists some controversial, some absolutely lovely and you are the finished product of love and battles that I have never understood—it’s intriguing. My favorite moments are those where you linger on the features of my face and you know all that you want in that moment. I am full of calm, a peace that you gently placed in my life and I am grateful.

Stories About Love

Sometimes I’m tired of writing about the feeling of love, but then I remember lips on my forehead, your fingers through mine as we walk underneath the sunshine. I remember your eyes so light and uplifting gently gazing at me with adoration and I wonder if damn… might this ever be…

Then I hear your voice reminding me that I am special and it affirms what I already know of you, that I like you for more than who you are, but also for what you represent, what you stand for. I love that you are heavy with convictions, yet sometimes budge when I challenge you and it makes me smile to know that together there is never a boring moment. I could sit there with you with my head on your shoulder and my fingers running through your chest and arms as I listen to your soft voice in the night.

Here I thought that I was done writing stories about love.

Duality

Lately I have learned about the duality of life. I met this magnificent young woman today that was capable of so much, but the world around her did not understand her lived experience. I learned of the importance of being kind when people around you are not and it’s not necessarily because turning the other cheek is ethical, but rather because some people’s unkindness doesn’t quite stem from a place of hatred or prejudice and instead stems from personal insecurities. People have been teaching me that they are so much more than a vessel for the mind, they are a reflection of the world and I am learning to take them as they are even when sometimes it hurts. I have also learned about myself and my own patterns of behavior when dealing with sadness: I tend to overcompensate in the settings outside of where my sadness originated by overexerting myself and doing all that I can to be the embodiment of joy. I think it has to do with my own pain manifesting itself in an outlet that tries to push the pain out of others and bring forth a smile, a laugh, or some type of positive energy. This is when people believe I am the happiest, but in truth, it’s when I am at the lowest state because I will do anything that I can to get higher and so I seem relentless, perhaps even childlike in my passionate demeanor. So yes, lately I am learning about the duality of life and how the good comes with the bad so that when I am down, I can propel myself back upwards.

Necessity

She’s an angel for raising a beautiful soul such as yourself. The love she houses in her body for you radiates to those who bring you peace, joy, and love. The more that I learn the more that I love and I am so grateful that your kindness grows. In turn there is little else I desire and you spark a light within me as I fall deeper. You’re not a necessity, but damn does it feel good to know you’re there.