The fronds rustling in the chilled air and a wolf’s moon gently watches as I inhale and exhale smoke from within my soul and out towards the night sky. She looks down with her red face soon to be eclipsed and a secret nod occurs between us. She is a protector—moon goddess—and I am a loyal servant. In my sensuality I extol rituals in her name as invisible, glittering strings grow from within me and dissipate into energy like the smoke exiting my lungs. Each breath is an intention, each inhale is a collected pool of energy brought further in to my body. The moon wears a red veil and I am naked, barren without need for shrouds. No clouds exist between us now and soon we will become one.
I tend to run the quickest when in heels. When I dress up, I am someone else—a constant creation. I remember the night in a little black dress with my faux-leather platform boots. I looked like I was down to kill with my hair down and that dress that loved to ride up. In the night sky it rained hard and my girlfriends and I ran as fast as we could in the rain. It was a joyful night. The opportunity to fall from grace in a couple of steps with our bodies and hair drenched in the heaven’s tears was all the opportunity needed. Rain, rain, rain. I never wanted it to stop. Filled with the ecstasy of the world, of Mother Nature, that set our eyes to kill.
My piercing laugh pierced my heart and my ears. I needed the coolness of the night sky under the moon to keep my fiery temper in check. The cool water kept the fires in my body subsided, but gave space to a new flame—cold and unstoppable. The fires inside my head tormented me with a pleasure of the world. My friends were just as incandescent. Those beautiful women who flew in the rain, with feet that made a sharp, but powerful sound in the puddles were all and are all sisters to me. We shared a fire, differently, and burned from the inside out, outside in the pouring rain.
Drop after drop was landing on my eyelashes and I took off my glasses and ran without care. I did not stop to breathe, I did not stop to rest, but I ran backwards and forwards until I reached an adequate destination. I held on to the cord sharing my essence with that of my sisters and we maintained an energy that was endless throughout the hours of the night.
My Sister, why fear me?
I have nothing that you do not already have, not a pretty face, a pretty smile, or wit beyond compare. There is no point in envy because I am your sister. To hurt you, is not a priority, it is not even on my list. So why is it that when we are on the elevator rising to the upper floors you look at me with envy next to your lover? Surely you cannot think that I would ever hurt you, you cannot think that I would ever put a man before our sisterhood?
There is nothing to fear, a smile is a smile and nothing more. He smiles at me, not because I am pretty, but because he is cordial, I am sure that you must have fallen in love with that characteristic. Dear sister of mine, you are older and maybe even smarter than I could ever be. Especially in matters of family and love. I cannot remain restrained like you, and I cannot win over any hearts. I do not even know what to do when I am rejected and fall apart.
Do you see now that there is nothing to fear and nothing to hate? So why look down upon me so venomously? Did I not smile to you once you looked at me and was it not a smile genuine and true? My Sister, do not hate me, for I will always love you dearly. I may not know your name, but I am like you. Do not be insecure, because there will never be another like you and if he were to leave you, that would not be your fault.
Sister, remain kind and loving towards the rest of your sisters because no one will ever understand you like they do. No one will ever understand maternity, oppression, beauty, and emotion like we do. Hold our hands and remember that we will always be the only ones that to you, remain true.