Time is hot and moving constantly towards an infinite sum of moments that you can hold in your hands and pour into a soul. Time is the hope that do-overs can be granted now that you have gained the secrets of those fleeting moments upon ticking hands. Like clockwork we are made to start again what we once completed and with wistfulness we make our new attempts dreaming of a better tomorrow.
An abstract thought of circular and staggered indicators,
A clock ticking away moments in space,
We are led in symbols of infinity with looped pathways,
Everything moves at the correct pace.
Such a laboring thought, to know that all you can do is wait. It’s almost as if your chest were a wet towel wrung dry many times and now the threads are jagged and frayed. I’m looking forward to opening my hands and letting it all go.
I’ve been seeking something that no one has helped me find and as I walk through this journey I bide my time with hopes that everything will soon fall in line.
I don’t take drastic measures, they must seem that way. I only take measures to reach what I hope to achieve. Last year I learned when I should cut back the ill growth of this fragrant rose bush that I am trying to cultivate. I have already learned this year when to let go of leaves that are meant to fall. For the greater good, I make choices because there is no point in holding on to thinly dangling foliage. I have also been in the process of learning how to fertilize and in learning when it is necessary to cut back excessive growth–My roots dig in deeper into this rich soil. It is all love in this horizon; it’s just that love sometimes might hurt a little in some places. I hope I have the willpower to heed the words of the wise and the courage to stand alone as I cultivate this Golden Celebration.
The glass has been consumed dry and the time ticks the seconds away into the nothingness of an empty memory. They process and release, process and release, and the cycle moves on through endlessly until finally it is time. All are anxious to leave and if disappearing in thin air were a possibility, you would never see anything from them again. There is an overwhelming feeling of lethargy picking at these bones and making the skin parched for rest. Persist, the cycle has not been completed. Respire the stagnant air, for freshness is not possible in this atmosphere and you must take what you can get. Provide your minutes as payment so that you may consume before you are consumed completely. Run down to the basement and greet Hades in his humble abode and perhaps you’ll convince Persephone to return to the world of the living, but even the sweetest flowers are poisoned by the most devilish of men.
A lot can happen in four years. We can leave all we know to explore a lifestyle impractical where we come from. We make new friends who leave a lasting mark on our minds. We fall in and out of love. Life becomes a crisis and a blessing and we move on. When we near the end of this journey we know that a new one waits. In four years I have learned that I am human and not a goddess. I have delved in the world of the spirits to learn things that I’ve never been taught by another. I have distracted my broken heart and mended it and fallen in love with new moments.
With only two months left I realize that four years is as short as four seconds. I can see it in my minds eye: during sleep, when I walk towards a destination, and when I see a face I used to live for. What’s coming after, I cannot exactly say. I know that these memories will stay with me until I am burned or buried or underneath the sea. Looking back on four years I realize that life is about goodbyes because that means that at some point there were hellos said and moments created.
We can create and manipulate time. We live in the memories that plague or please us and in the present there is still the past. I learned that time is not linear, that love is not eternal, that flames will always burn even when they’re stomped out. Flames can burn in new ways without the characteristics that we make for them. We metamorphosed as the winds changed and as we were told that it was over or different or new. With every experience we became unique individuals who viewed the world in ways that become farther from the truth of the rest, but in ways that were equally realistic all the same.
They said we couldn’t move mountains and that we needed to learn where our abilities stopped. We screamed back that mountains were just a figment of our imagination, but some of us climbed these structures and threw ourselves off. I learned that friendship can last a lifetime and that believing in people could be ephemeral—and most importantly that it was okay. We learned to swim against the current, but some of us fell into tandem with what we were told by friends or mentors without asking any questions. Luckily, time is not linear like people and we can break the rhythms and create asymmetries or we can fall in line. Four years is as short as four seconds.